2017 is here. With a vengeance. And it has been a while since I've posted here. My mind is a jumble of thoughts and ideas. Probably just like everybody else's. My biggest worry right now is just what the hell is Trump going to do once he becomes President? How safe is my family? My friends? My country? And how could so many intelligent people vote for him? Is it the same thing as knowing how to lose weight and getting fat anyway? We can convince ourselves of so much which is not true. It's scary. And I know I do it too.

So this is how it happened: we watched "Forks over Knives". Then the thinking began. I started to notice that even though I have been a vegan for the past 22 years, I still eat a lot of crap. Energy bars and chips with salsa being two of my biggest offenders. And there is more. Slowly an idea began in my mind and slowly it solidified itself into one big idea. Drum roll. "The Crap Free Diet"! Cymbal crash. All I really need to do is eliminate the crap in my diet. I started two months ago with soda. And then I went on the binge of all binges because day zero is today. So far so good. Mini shredded wheat with raisins and unsweetened Almond milk for breakfast. Brown rice with black beans, cilantro and lime for lunch and fried potatoes with onion and homemade ketchup for dinner. Unsweetened Green tea and water for drink. It's now almost eight at night and I'm full but have a slight headache. Or perhaps it is better to say that I have a slight headache but I am full.

I'm Trying

Today has been a good day food wise - but as far as productivity goes it has been slow. I have sat in front of a computer all day trying to get something done but mostly I have emailed, facebooked, watched videos, Wooted and generally goofed off.

One thing I have done is try and make some Live Bread. I followed a recipe from here: http://www.therawchef.blogs.com I made a half batch because I do not have a fancy dehydrator - just an old round one. I bet you can hear my mind thinking of ways to get a new one.

I made the dough and then put it on a tray - it has a fruit roll sheet in it. A plastic shelf that is not perforated so the bread can “cook” without dripping through the dehydrator. After 2 hours I was supposed to flip the bread out of the dryer and “cook” the other side. Well, that didn’t work so good. I ended up attempting to flip it but mainly ended up with a mess that I re-spread on the sheet. It’s still drying and we shall see. After a bit more research I think I need to get some parchment paper until I find the funds for a new dehydrator. Going raw seems to be a bit of an expense over time.

RAW power!

It sounds like a wrestling thing - I'm going Raw. It sounds like a meat thing too. But really it's the furthest thing away from wrestling and meat. It's much more about living. Today was my first day as a raw food vegan. Although there is an * to today. I did eat some nuts from a can this morning - but only because there was nothing else (yeah right) to eat.

I started today with an apple/beet/carrot/ginger juice. Some nuts (from a can) and a apple. Lunch was an apple/beet/greens juice and a raw pizza from the Whole Wheatery. I picked up a Raw recipe book and some raw nuts (almonds, cashews and walnuts). Dinner was a head of romaine with carrots and broccoli. For a dressing I did 1 part hemp oil, one part olive oil, one part apple cider vinegar plus some Braggs, stone ground mustard and some Italian spices. I need to get fresh herbs and a few more staples in. But I have not succumbed like I did the night before when I ate an entire pizza. I woke up this morning with a junk food hang over.

I will continue to juice - but I am transitioning into a raw - "living foods" diet now. What I don't want to do is go overboard and just jump right back into all my bad habits. I hope to continue to lose weight and hopefully will build up energy too. We shall see.

Now What?

Well - it happened again. Relapse. A dark trip back to the center of my food addictions. Or more simply put - a binge. It started with one nacho chip and it was all downhill from there. I became a junk food eating machine. I sit here now with heart burn and a deflated ego wondering what tomorrow will bring.

What I hope is that I'll be able to get right back on the juicefeast horse. But I am also rethinking my eating habits. It just seems way too much of an all or nothing struggle right now. And I would rather it would be a smother transition to a mostly Raw food experience. So...

Here's my plan de jour: I'm going to juice - until I feel that overwhelming need for chewing rear its ugly face again - and then I'm going to eat raw foods. I'd rather bounce back and forth between raw and juice than juice and tons of crap. So now I'm on a mission - I'm going to start looking for Raw food sites out there with recipes, support etc. My goal is to continue down this road I have started on and to stop getting off and doing this binge thing. We'll see.

A Vegan Life

For the past 20 years I have been a vegetarian. I started in February 1989 and by July of that year I was a complete vegan (no animal products at all - meaning no meat, dairy, eggs, leather, honey). At first I ate really well. Mostly fresh veggies and fruits. But over time I found all the vegan junk foods. Yes, a diet Dr.Pepper and a bag of chips is vegan on paper - but in the spirit of the vegan life style it really isn't. I slowly over the past 20 years feel into the "convenience food" trap. If it was quick and "vegan" I would eat it. And if it was a chocolate chip cookie - I'd eat it even if it wasn't vegan. I was vegan on the outside and crap on the inside (literary it seems).

Now I'm juice feasting - 100% vegan - 100% raw vegan. And my goal is to reboot my eating habits. I don't know if I will make my 60 day goal - I don't know if I will be 100% Raw when I finish - but what I hope is that when I am done with the feast I will be a much better eater than I am now.

Lately, when I get a juice at the local juice bar I read the Raw cookbooks (or would that be uncookbook?). I think I could live well as a raw fooder. We shall see.

A Tough Day

Today was a tough day. I just had a hankering for some food. And not a specific food - just some food. And it's not because I am hungry. I just miss eating what I used to eat. However I hope this will pass. I think it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Right now as I sit here I realize that I am not hungry at all. I've had 4 quarts of juice and 48 oz. of master cleanse (I have to come up with a better name for that.) Tomorrow will be better. I think it may be from stress. This is the end of the quarter and I have a lot to do by next Monday. But if I make it through until Friday I'll have 30 days on the feast. So I'll be half-way through what I want to accomplish.

My real goal is to re-boot my eating habits. I was actually thinking today of trying to go Raw 6 days a week and then have one day a week where I indulge in what ever I feel like. I need to leave that door open in my mind - otherwise I may feel deprived.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.