The problem is that I have not figured out how to live my life in a way that makes me feel like I'm living my life the way I am supposed to be living it. I have problems with the way I live life.
I procrastinate.
A lot.
I spend more time wasting time than getting things done. I am constantly behind.
I make huge plans but rarely carry them out.
Most of what I have accomplished in life has been almost completely by accident.
I write in short clipped phrases and have little depth.
This list could go on for quite awhile and that is what is bothering me. Shouldn't I , here on the bring of my first half century, have it a bit more together? I'm thinking I should too. The goal then is to spend the next year working on getting smarter. (and additionally: thinner, finisheder, artier, fitter and several other -ers.)
But I am not so sure how to do all that. I fear making a list of goals which I can later re-negotiate or ignore completely. Lists swirl around in my head on a regular basis. I daydream in lists of things to accomplish. Or change. Or learn. If I had picked one thing from all these lists years ago I would now know how to play the guitar or the cello, or be able to juggle clubs or have several articles, books and or film scripts written. I would know several languages and be able to paint, draw and sculpt. And would also know html, java, xml and ruby on rails.
Mostly I know how to stumble (www.stumbleupon.com) read online news and daydream.
BUt if I where to make a list it would look like this
- Write everyday and get published. (It's a tenure thing)
- Exercise way more.
- Explore photography and learn how to control light.
- Develop my relationships at home (sad that it came 4th isn't it)
- Eat as healthy as possible
- Art more
There are a few others but they are more personal.
Let's see what happens eh?
I'm reading this 9 years later and realize that on the surface not much has changed. I still pretty much have all the same goals. Except #1. I'm published and tenured and that is a good thing. Basically I could move number 1 to the end of the list and move the rest up one. And I'd add one more goal: Work on my connection to my higher power. My spirituality. Maybe even meditate. Maybe.
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